Themes:

Mindful communication, new habits, positive response

Wow what a year so far. As we approach the end of June, many of us are wondering 'what the hell has been going on? 2020 is crazy!

…Or is it?

With so many unprecedented changes causing sudden, erratic and continuous movement around us no wonder we feel our sense of security, stability and livelihood compromised.

First, there were bush fires, then the "pandemic" COVID-19, reports on mandatory vaccinations, controversy on 5G, riots and the Black Lives Matter movement. Not to mention the effects of what has happened in the past 7 months on our work, home, business, relationships and sense of wellbeing. Being closed in, surrounded by fear and controversy in the media, frustration and ego in daily conversations, feelings of anxiety because of the unknown, plus various changes to normalcy impacting our daily lives, it is so easy to get caught up in the tsunami of energy crashing around us only to find ourselves feeling angry, emotional, defensive, sad, frustrated, anxious, worried, overwhelmed, disoriented, and most of all reactive. 

Perhaps it’s not even these things that have affected you, but something closer to the heart – love & relationships. 

Maybe an undesirable EX has come back into your life sending you into a whirlwind? Perhaps you are triggered by old fears of making the same mistakes? Perhaps being unsupported, mistreated or disrespected has stirred up emotions of deep pain and abandonment? Or maybe you have been feeling unimportant, unloved and unworthy for some reason. 

All of this stirring up the fight, flight and freeze response triggering a sequence of unfavourable reactions, mishaps and misfortunes.

Although we cannot control our external world, believe it or not, we can control our internal world. It may not sound like much when you compare it to what material security, long-time plans, or great expectations you’ve been building for some time and now find yourself without. Something might be so frustrating, painful or disheartening that all you want to do is hurl a potato at the person, or scream at the top of your lungs. It is in this moment of powerful emotion where we need to learn to respond and not react. 

The difference between reaction and response? 

A reaction is instant, automated, survival-oriented and mostly a mechanism of defence. It is driven by biases, prejudices and beliefs of the unconscious mind and doesn’t consider the long-term effects. A response, on the other hand, is more “ecological." It is balanced and based on information from both the conscious and the unconscious mind. It takes into consideration the well-being of you and those around you, your true core values and considers long-term effects.

Learning a powerful new and positive response can change the course of your journey.
Learning to respond and not react is something that we have to train ourselves in. It’s not that simple initially but it is something that we can cultivate to become a trait. Like a muscle, we can train our minds and emotional responses to be positive and effective, giving us a chance to make decisions that are helpful and full of possibilities and opportunities we had not been able to imagine before.

When we are consumed by unhappiness, sadness, frustration and anger, we are vibrating on that frequency and our minds are in that space. Our focus is the negative feeling and the thoughts that come out perpetuate and prolong that feeling. From this place of being it is practically impossible to respond to situations and others in a way that can provide us with a positive outcome, unless we choose to shift ourselves away from this place.

If you imagine your reaction likened to a rubber band – when stretched to an extreme there is so much tension that it eventually snaps or comes back to hurt you. Remember, our reactions and negative emotions are generated from within us and are so powerful that they cause our bodies to change and our environment to fill with that same frequency. We are the ones that clench our fists, grind our teeth, think our negative thoughts, and form the vocal sounds with our mouths and breathe that create hurtful and hateful words.

You may think that all this is justified because of the stress you feel, but the truth is what we are are doing activates memory cells that reinforce negative recall and negative automatic reactions in our own body. Our body records all that we feel, think and do and unfortunately, nothing goes unheard by the cells in our body.

We cannot change the deck of cards we have been dealt at this moment, but we can certainly choose the way we face the situation. 

We need to be clever and responsible. Clever with our energy, clever with our mind, body and emotions. We need to remember what we CAN control what is within us, and being responsible means to choose our response to others and situations, our outlook, our mindset, our choice of words, our actions, our decisions, and our thoughts which can greatly influence the outcome of any situation in the immediate and longer-term. 

Learning to respond in a way that empowers you in life is simpler than you think with commitment, resilience and self-belief.


To help you begin practising positive responses over negative reactions, here are some practical tips to get you started. 

• First, ground yourself.
  When we are reactive and in our fear response, our heart rate and blood pressure rise and our body accelerate. By reconnecting with nature, we allow ourself to return to homeostatic balance. Allow yourself to connect with nature by walking barefoot on grass, sand or earth. Lie down, take 30 deep and slow breaths. Allow your body to melt in with mother nature. From a calm and grounded place, your mind is clearer. 

• Refrain from making quick decisions, quick assumptions and saying hurtful things out of anger.
  Nothing good comes from acting out of anger and in this moment it can be hard to control yourself as your ego comes into play and wants to assert its power and position. Often, when fear strikes and we are playing the defence, we build walls to protect ourselves and pass fatal judgements all because we feel in some way we are inadequate or lesser than we are. The question is if we are so truly confident in who we are, why do we feel the need to be right, fight and, prove ourselves? Just ask yourself, what is it that you are trying to prove to yourself that you don't seem to believe already. True self-belief doesn't require external validation and for the rest of the world to be on your team. So try to look into your reactions as a useful key to understanding what part of you needs more attention, love, support and understanding.

• Communicate your frustrations and needs from a loving vibration, then let go.

  When our communication comes from a loving place, meaning no tones of blame, guilt, resentment, manipulation or arrogance, our needs and wants are heard. Often when we feel frustrated it is because we feel some sort of resistance to the situation or the responses we are hearing. Try to take a moment to understand why you are feeling frustrated. Can you identify the cause? Is your frustration because you aren't getting a reaction, agreement, acknowledgement, hearing words or seeing behaviours or actions done in your specific way? 

  
  From here, cultivate a positive response that shares how you feel. Speak your needs from a place of love and try expressing yourself in the first person and start with the phrase, " I feel ... because ..." 

  
  Remember the aim is to communicate your feelings not to control the response of others. We are all responsible for our communication.  Once you have communicated yourself, then let go. 

• Be patient
  Patience goes a long way. In reality, there is no need to act impatiently. Often when we do it's just another reaction based on again some judgement, prejudice or belief that is based in control or fear. When we take the moment to respond instead of reacting, we breathe through the negative reactions that keep us constricted and find new ways to respond that opens up possibilities, better feelings and win-wins! Patience often gives us time to open up our creativity to new ways of solving things. Who knows, you might be surprised at what you come up with and how your perspective changes on the matter!

• Check your intentions and ensure you are truly aligned within yourself.
  When we are reacting, acting out, or trying to get a point across, we have been energised from a point of negativity and we forget to check our intentions. Ask yourself why you are really acting, speaking or doing what you are doing? Be frank, what is the intention? If you are trying to get a point across, are you wanting to be heard or are you trying to convince them you are right? Again validation from others does not replace you truly validating yourself. You can be searching for that validation for the rest of your lives and you may never find it, or ever feel fulfilled. So ask yourself, what is it you are searching for and why aren't you giving it to yourself?

By cultivating our response mechanism, we are building a positive and healthy way to live life. We can live with the confidence that we are empowered in all moments of life to move with resilience and self-belief that we can find opportunities and solutions to whatever comes our way. Through this approach, we can also improve the quality of our relationships and open ourselves to more possibilities and opportunities that we had never realised existed. 

To find solutions to a personal matter that is keeping you down, whether relationship, work, life or goals-oriented, get in touch with Jo Anne to get things back on track and feel Good Vibes again! Live with clarity, love without fear and inspire greatness within!

Written by Jo Anne
Instagram.com/lifecoachjoanne | www.lifecoachjoanne.com

Life Coaching + Wellness Coaching with Jo Anne Zamora Gante

Jo Anne Zamora Gante is an accredited Life Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation.

As an experienced teacher and workshop facilitator in dance, movement, body-mind teachings and holistic wellness, Jo Anne coaches clients all around the world online and in-person in their journey to be happier, passionate, fulfilled and loving individuals.

Jo Anne delivers her work in English, Spanish and Italian.

Contact Jo Anne joanne@lifecoachjoanne.com
instagram.com/lifecoachjoanne
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